“And the Lord God said, It is not good that
the man should be alone; I will make him an
help meet for him." Genesis 2:18 (KJV)
Do you remember growing up? What your hopes and your dreams were for your life? I am almost certain that those plans did not include loneliness. Many people have never lived alone. They have always had parents, roommates in college, husband, wife, or kids. Yet, people living alone do not have to be lonely. There is nothing so lonely as being alone when you are with someone. The breakups of special relationships, divorce or death of your mate, or death of a close friend, all kinds of things, often causes loneliness.
Sometimes
you feel that either you cannot find, or it is hard to find someone who can
understand your hurt, or understand where you are. You ask yourself questions
like:
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Who
am I?
Where
am I going?
What
do I really want to do?
When
will I ever be happy again?
Why
me?
You may experience emotions of:
Hurt
Fear
Confusion
Sometimes
these things remind you of your aloneness.
Laundry
Cooking
Ironing
Cleaning House
Grocery Shopping
Buying
Clothes
Hanging a Curtain Rod
Car
Repair
Paying
Bills
Reaching
for something on the top shelf
Every new duty just seems to magnify the fact
that you are alone.
Yet, it is important that you look at things
from a new perspective. It can feel
good to achieve things you have never done before.
Find out you are capable. Find
out you do have a sense of independence and self-sufficiency.
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you can
learn to take better care of yourself and respect yourself more.
Loneliness preoccupies
Some
people are unable to make any decisions. Some
people make decisions carelessly, and some people make hasty and unwise decisions.
Making
decisions by yourself may feel lonely and strange. Perhaps you feel sadness
about the past and anxiety about your future.
You seem plagued with intense loneliness and a need to hide from people.
Because
of the loneliness, some of the emotions you may be feeling are:
Rejection
Unworthiness
Fear
Anxiety
Worry
Dismay with life
In striving to be positive about your future you can look forward to a sense of:
Freedom
Independence
Self
Determination
Change
Achievement
Self
Worth
Importance
Interest in life
Hebrews 13:5 & 6 (KJV)
"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”
Romans 8:28 (Amp)
"We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor], all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.”
Jeremiah 29:11 (NAS)
"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
You
need other people. No man is an island. You may find you are looking
forward to social gatherings.
Yet once you get there you feel awkward, threatened, and uncomfortable
in conversation. Talk inevitably
becomes intimidation. Even the
simplest conversation seems like an invasion of privacy.
A simple, "How
are you?" can be scary.
When
you do not know who you are anymore, when your insides are in total
turmoil, when you spend most of your energy trying to figure out where
you are and how you are, it's scary for some one to ask "How are
you?" Therefore, you either try to change the subject or find ways
to excuse yourself and go home early. You
need people, but you avoid people.
People
have two basic needs:
1. Our need to be
loved
2. Our need to be safe.
1. Our need to be loved:
We were formed in the image of God, and God exists in personal relationships of love. We find our wholeness and our completion in being united with others. Our need to be loved, the need for love relationships is God given. "...It is not good for man to be alone.”
2. Our need to be safe:
As strong as our desire to be loved is, so is the awareness of the need to protect ourselves. Human relationships are risky matters. Because of the sin nature even when we don't mean to, we hurt or are hurt by others. Therefore, we are very cautious about developing friendships. Put this with the hurt, emotional stress of aloneness, and you have a formula that tends towards paranoia.
We
have a tendency to run from all personal encounters, even healthy ones.
Doesn't it make sense to retreat after being hurt? Doesn’t it make sense
to isolate ourselves because we don't want to be hurt again?
The
need for love pulls in one direction. The need for safety pulls in the
other direction. Then confusion
sets in.
To be whole and healthy you need to be involved
in loving relationships, and at the same time protect yourself from
further hurt.
So how do you find balance?
GO SLOW!!
Be patient with yourself. Emotional and spiritual healing
don’t take place just because you want them to. In the same way the
body needs time to heal from severe trauma, (such as a bad car accident
in which you have been badly hurt) so the spirit also needs time.
1.
It takes time to understand the injuries and the hurts. You can
learn from the experiences of others. Stress can easily go underground
for a while only to surface at a later time.
2.
It takes time to learn what went wrong. If you don't learn from yesterdays,
and yesterday's mistakes, you will more than likely make the same mistakes
again.
It
is easy to be focused on the failures of others. Focusing on the failure
of others is not helpful. You rarely learn from the mistakes of others.
You have to be honest with yourself, see your
own weaknesses and failures so you can grow and guard yourself
from the same things happening again. Sometimes this may even require
some counseling.
GO SLOW!! It's OK to take time for healing and regaining personal balance. Others can help. No one else can walk in your shoes, but others can help. When you feel confused or uncertain about life, find someone to talk with. Many churches offer support groups, or use books as a tool (preferably Christian). Help is nearby. Seek it.
GOD
IS NEAR
Many
feel God has let them down, or if God exists, He must be indifferent. Troubles create discouragement and may challenge your faith
in the goodness of God.
Psalms 34:18 (NIV)
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
God is near and He understands. Knowing He cares can be a great encouragement.
Matthew 11:28 (NAS)
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy- laden, and I will give
you rest.”
Psalms 32:8 (NAS)
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.”
God
is not indifferent. He hears your cries for help. You may not know where
you are in certain ways, but He knows; and He will draw near to you,
guide you, and comfort you. However, it takes time. Ps. 40 tells us
to wait patiently for the Lord.
God
has a process for each of us to go through. You will find out who and
where you are, and more important, you will find Him.
Psalm 56:3 (KJV)
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee."
Isaiah 26:3 (KJV)
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed
on Thee: Because he trusteth
in Thee.”
Do not get discouraged. If you think it's taking too long, be patient with yourself. No one is hurrying you except yourself. Put your faith in God. He will not forsake you. He will give you daily comfort, encouragement, and guidance if you will turn to Him.
Prayer
I thank you Father, that Your Word is truth. I trust Your love for me and I know You always have my best interest at heart. I believe You when You say, ":It is not good for man to be alone." So I'm asking You to bring people into my life that I can have good and trusting relationships with. I'm tired of hurting and being preoccupied with myself and my feelings of loneliness. I acknowledge the need for other people in my life, and I am asking You to heal me and make me whole. Thank you for staying near to me, and for not giving up on me. Please help me Lord to trust You and not be afraid. Thank you Father.
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